Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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