I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
