We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
this will be a night to untag.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
