i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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