Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
and you fell through a lawn chair
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
