Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
