She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
