By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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