I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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