I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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