Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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