Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
