Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
