in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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