Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
