I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
