Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
