i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
