the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
