Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
