She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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