Three words: puerto rican gang bang
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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