Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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