I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
