i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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