I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
