i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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