We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
