She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize