She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
