Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
