Need sex. Gaining weight.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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