i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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