question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
