if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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