I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is her dick bigger than yours?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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