So drunk its hurt
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
