The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
