She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
