i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Two words: blizzard sex
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
