I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
