if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
