do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
