he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The air taste purple.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
