To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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