we have pet lesbian snakes
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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