My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i've created a new STD.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
