He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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