are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
