she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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