So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
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Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Someone signed my nipple.
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