fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
