Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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