Dual....:-)
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
