do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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