I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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