Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
