I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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