I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
