she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
