Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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