When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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