The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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