I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
