Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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