also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
