Are you still at the party or did I leave?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
