Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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