Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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