At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
