I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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