u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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