Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
