Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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