im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
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Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
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fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess