im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller