My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
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The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
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Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.