Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.