You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
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Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize