I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You pole danced in your parka.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
